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Senior Smokie


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03 May 2018
Posted - 24 Feb 2016 :  10:43:55 PM Show ProfileSend woodentop a Private Message Reply with Quote
Mr Cameron seems to be inventing a new language on a daily basis. This language uses the same words as English, but don’t be fooled. It’s new because the words have different meanings to those of widely-used and accepted English. Don’t worry, in the next few months you’ll get the hang of it.


“Sovereignty” – The process of giving foreigners the right to make our laws.
“Safer” – The feeling after Frau Merkel suddenly decides to invite millions of people from the Middle East and Africa to join us in the EU.
“More secure” – The satisfaction of knowing that a fat Belgian policeman is monitoring groups of Islamic terrorists in a Brussels suburb. (Military usage: Used to denote that an EU army of French and Italian soldiers are ready to stop Putin from more expansion.)
“Stronger” – What you feel when the EU takes over the burden of all decision-making from you.
“Weaker” – The feeling when denied English breakfast, brunch, lunch, and dinner until you give up and sign something.
“Better off” – The warm feeling of knowing that you’re paying billions each year to subsidise the lifestyles of the people of other countries, and paying over 10,000 unelected EU officials more than the UK Prime Minister earns.
“Legally-binding” – An ineffectual document attractively-bound by a secretary in the EU Commission office.
“Irreversible” – A sophisticated form of joke: a cross between irredeemable and risible.
“International law decision” – Form of obfuscation with no basis in reality.
“Treaty” – (Also written as Treat-ee.) An incentive offered to a child, as in “If you’re a good boy you might get a little Treat-ee”.
“Manifesto commitment” – Vague and passing aspiration, whose words are not to be taken literally or seriously.
"Mayor of London” – Enemy of the state.
"The Jungle" - Collective noun for local Conservative Associations.
“Ever Closer Union” – Direction of travel of 27 countries in EU’s second tier, denoting those with lack of EU influence.
“Top table” – Table positioned at the back of the room, next to the toilets, denoting country with most influence in the EU.
“Best of both worlds” – Expression normally preceded by “You can’t have the…”, but truncated for political reasons.
“Single market” – EU’s tarif-free trade area set up for German manufacturers to sell to.
“Fundamental reform” – Trade name for a form of porridge, much watered-down. More commonly known by the North-East Somerset term ‘thin gruel’.
“Acquis” – Collective noun for totality of EU laws and directives, named after prominent French founder of EU, the Acquis de Sade.
“No ifs no buts” – Synonym: Maybe baby.
“Cast Iron Guarantee” – See “No ifs no buts”.


“TTIP” – Alternative spelling: ‘t tip. Highly secretive, US-owned, backed by Cameron. Believed to be rubbish facility based in Yorkshire England, run from Brussels. Example of usage: “Ah’m goin’ down ‘t tip, dear.”
“CAP” – Expensive delicacy much consumed in France and less industrialised EU countries.
“CFP” – Formerly known as the Common Fisheries Policy. One of many fishery terms now rarely used in Cameronish. Still widely used in Spanish ports.
“ECJ” – Sometimes known as European Court of Justice. Collection of non-jurists in Luxembourg specialising in rewriting of UK law.
“ECHR” – Special court for Arabic speakers, sometimes known as European Court of Human Rights. Popular with British legal profession.

I hope readers may find that the above assists them when listening to the Prime Minister in future.
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